When Michael Jackson recorded his monster 1982 album "Thriller," no expense was spared in the studio. This included bringing in the greatest living guitar player in the world to contribute his one-of-a-kind talent. What happened when Eddie Van Halen and Michael Jackson met? What did they have in common? What was the conversation like? Since there's no actual transcript available, I decided to make one up.
EVH: Hello Michael Jackson.
MJ: Hello David Lee Roth.
EVH: I'm Eddie, actually.
MJ: Oops. Tee hee.
They shake hands.
EVH: Nice glove.
MJ: Thank you. Would you like something to drink?
EVH: You read my mind.
MJ: Okay we have Kool-Aid and Capri Sun and Nestle Quik and Pepsi.
EVH: I was thinking more like a teacup full of whiskey and an entire bottle of champagne to chase it with.
MJ: Hmmm. I think there's some unopened gift baskets in the trunk of the limo. Maybe in there.
EVH: So when you're not in the studio, what do you like to do for fun?
MJ: I go to a lot of parties.
EVH: Oh, me too. Partying is the best.
MJ: Do you like llama rides?
EVH: ...what?
MJ: I like there to be llama rides and pony rides and clowns when I party.
EVH: Really? I like lots of naked girls and booze and sex and noise.
MJ: Balloons are good, too.
EVH: Like for snorting?
MJ: Anyway, I wrote this song "Beat It" that I'd like you to play on. It's a special song that comes from my heart.
EVH: Oh...so is that what's up with the glove?
MJ: No, it's a song about being tough and not scared. It comes from my heart.
EVH: Don't you have like 50 bodyguards?
MJ: Exactly. Where does YOUR music come from? When you write?
EVH: I'm influenced by a lot of different composers, actually. Mozart, Bach, Beethoven...
MJ: Oh. Mine comes from my heart. and I have a bear that talks to me.
EVH: You have...a talking bear?
MJ: a TEDDY bear, silly. Not a real one. That would be scary.
EVH: So if a scary bear approaches you, you just "Beat It?" Is that it?
MJ: Exactly. Now let's hurry up and record this thing. If we do a good job maybe Quincy will take us out to lunch!
EVH: I'll do a good job.
MJ: Cha'mone.
EVH: What?
MJ: J'amon.
EVH: WHAT?
...aaand everything turned out great. The song was a #1 hit that is still beloved by fans worldwide, and Eddie Van Halen's contribution is regarded as integral to its immense success. and he didn't even get paid, he let Michael Jackson and Quincy Jones keep all the money, which was classy. Michael Jackson responded by ripping off Paul McCartney. But that's okay, everybody had fun.
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