I apologize in advance to any old people reading this as well as joggers/runners in general but I cannot deny that my principle source of humor lately has been misfortune happening to old men that are actively in the process of failing at jogging.
Here is an incomplete list of their hypothetical failures:
- Slipping and falling down on ice and then getting up and running again real quick like it didn't happen
- a loose dog runs over and bites you
- Someone yells something from a passing car, like "Yo Rocky!" or else "You crappy old fool!"
- Someone sees you coming and sarcastically puts up a line of police tape between two telephone poles
- Wet cement (STUCK all of a sudden)
- Running in a cemetery and you injure your leg or groin trying to leapfrog a tombstone
- Senile, forgot to put on your jogging shorts
- You look up at a shooting star and then BAM a car hits you
- You see your elderly ex-wife jogging from the other direction so you change course and it totally fucks up your intended route
- You pass a lemonade stand but have forgotten to carry any money with you
- You pass a lemonade stand and the children start whipping lemons at you
- You jump a shark
Don't get me started on old people riding bikes. All with the damn inappropriate helmets and neon colors and shit. Get that out.
Here is an example of an elderly person who is also God.
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