Sunday, June 7, 2015

Starburst problem!


I keep a dish of Starbursts candy on my coffee table.  I find the spectrum of wrapper colors to be eye-appealing, and the taste sensation delights my various guests and service repairmen.  There is no square juicier than a Starburst.

Problem, though.  No one ever takes a yellow/lemon one.  So there is this huge backlog.




First of all I do not want to eat the yellow ones EITHER, but I do want equal color and flavor DISTRIBUTION.  So what to do?

(How do other smart people solve these PROBLEMS?  If you're Chinese get back at me.)

My initial thought was to unwrap all of the Starbursts and then re-wrap them in the wrong-colored paper.  I would do so wearing sanitary rubber gloves, and only I would hold the secret answer key.  Imagine the look on a friend or visiting clergyman's face when they unwrap what they THINK is going to be delicious cherry and then it's terrible lemon instead.  That would be so funny.  Also a great conversation starter.  "This reminds me of something God told me once..."

But who in HELL has time for all that wrapping and unwrapping?  Even God himself does not, and He is everywhere at all times.

So then my next thought was to take all the lemon Starbursts out of the house with me and just start leaving them places, all completely fresh and individually wrapped.  Would people EAT them?  Imagine somebody trying to make that DECISION.

Some diabetic or whatever all like, "Well, they ARE yellow, but they're also free."

So I figure leave a neat and tidy 6-pack of yellow Starbursts at the laundromat, the part of the Post Office where no one is looking, restaurant exits where the patrons are likely to be too cheap to PAY for a proper dessert, etc.  Then you go back the next day and see if they are still there.  Could be qute the interesting sociological study.

"Who left exactly 6 Starbursts in the Victoria's Secret dressing room?  Five yellow, one orange.  WHO?"

I don't think something like that would be classified as a CRIME, but who cares?  It feels just as good.



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