Boston Market

Almost everybody likes to eat dinner. Problem is, not everybody can cook. There used to not be too many options for kitchen incompetents craving a home-cooked meal. They had to either hire a personal chef, or else just show up at someone's house right as dinner was about to be served (the "Fonzie" technique).

Then in the 1990s, Boston Market exploded onto the scene.

Have you been eating nothing but burgers and pizza? or hitting the Taco Bell drive-thru three times a day? Now you can stop and pick up some homestyle meatloaf and mashed potatoes on the way home.

I say homeSTYLE because it is definitely not homeMADE. If you haven't been to Boston Market yet, imagine what would happen if the staff at McDonalds tried to cook a Thanksgiving turkey. Using ingredients that were delivered in a truck. (If that idea appeals to you, they do now offer catering, by the way.)

Of course the main thing Boston Market is known for is the chicken. Because when you think of Boston, naturally you think of chicken. It is the crown jewel of Massachusetts cuisine, along with cheesy grits and shoe fly pie.

Ever since the big Jared craze, most fast food outlets nowadays try to offer customers a healthier alternative. Taco Bell has the "Drive-Thru Diet" menu. KFC will grill your chicken instead of frying it. Even McDonalds now serves apples to millions of disappointed children.

Not to be outdone, Boston Market has changed things up as well. Except instead of going low-salt or low-fat, they now offer customers the opportunity to "get it saucy," which means that you can have your chicken slathered in one of five disgusting-looking sauces. To be fair, I haven't actually tried them. But judging from the commercial they look like they were only meant to have a nugget or other by-product dipped into them. Are there people that want "Island Mojo" sauce on their ENTIRE ROTISSERIE BIRD?

You can also have the new sauces added to any menu item you wish. I guess this is out of consideration for pregnant ladies. Sometimes you just get a craving for BBQ sauce on your creamed spinach. When this happens, Boston Market is happy to meet your needs.

So what's my verdict on Boston Market? I officially rate them as "could be worse!" The name has got to go, though. People usually don't like Boston unless they live there. You know, because of the Patriots and accents. They should made a subtle change to "Boss M." Then later "The Boss!"

Hungry Family: What's for dinner?

Working Mom: I picked up some Waffle Wraps and Meatloaf Dippers from the Boss!

Hungry Family: Hooray!

(Waffle Wraps and Meatloaf Dippers TM 2010, Captain Dan)