Texting while driving

The hugest problem ever. How do we stop it? It's almost impossible to catch somebody. Texting in the car is such a subtle crime, like eating grapes at the supermarket or looking at boobs for too long.

It is up to nerds and scientists, as usual, to come up with some TECHNOLOGY that makes texting while driving undesirable. Maybe a microchip embedded in your license plate that sends the text right to the cops along with your driver's license ID. Then another microchip causes the car to stall, and you have 60 seconds to get out before it EXPLODES.

What is the subject matter of all these texts? Is it like a modern CB radio? Are people emulating "Smokey and the Bandit?"

More likely it's lives being risked for the sake of the MOST BORING CONVERSATIONS EVER.

Idiot 1: where u at

Idiot 2: my car

Idiot 1: cool want 2 hang out

Idiot 2: ok

Idiot 1: cool what shirt can i wear

Idiot 2: a blue 1

Idiot 1: cool

or maybe I'm totally wrong and there are special important debates taking place between texters as they weave in and out of high speed lanes.

Scientist 1: got 2 act now b4 global warming cauz dmg

Scientist 2: ?

Scientist 1: ppl got 2 b real

Scientist 2: y?

Scientist 1: ice caps meltin bears dyin no mo coral reefs we b doomed

Scientist 2: lol fuk u

Some other things that distract people while driving:

- GIRLS (either the nagging kind inside the car or the good-looking kind outside the car)

- Billboards

- Fireworks

- Animals running in and out of the road

- Helicopters

- Kites

- Falling rocks

- People sitting next to you in the car reciting inane conspiracy theories

- DVDs

- Corn

- National monuments

- Spongebob waving at you

- Hot coffee spilled in the lap

- Blowing garbage

- The Alphabet Game

- Cops

Back to the CB thing, why didn't Boss Hogg just make CB radios illegal? They were not hands-free. He would've nabbed those Duke Boys for certain! "Research has shown that drivers operating a CB radio in the car tend to be the cause or victim of one or more car crashes per day." He'd have been totally justified.

The police would still be able to use them, for law enforcement purposes. They could text too.

Boss Hogg: roscoe did u catch the dukes?

Roscoe: no

Boss Hogg: y?

Roscoe: stuck in swamp, brb

Boss Hogg: dip-stick!

Roscoe: >:(