Reading the cereal box

I eat lunch alone almost every day. I think it's okay to eat lunch alone in public, it doesn't carry the same stigma that eating dinner alone does. If you see an adult man wearing a sweater and a mustache eating a plate of beef and potatoes all by himself at Denny's, and it's DINNER time, you should always call the police and report a suspicious person. Just to be on the safe side.

Anyway the problem with eating LUNCH by yourself is that you don't know where to look while chewing. At the Wegmans cafe there is this TV close to where they keep the toys and during lunch it usually has Dora the Explorer on it, so I have to act interested in that. I am beginning to learn things about that show, such as that there is a monkey on it. I look forward to seeing the monkey more than the other characters, I can't deny it.

Mighty Taco is a good one because they give you a placemat with some kind of very wordy cartoon. There is a lot to read and look at. Everyone is eating tacos in the cartoon, and you're eating tacos too, and the whole place smells like tacos. It is downright taco-mania in there.

Now the one other place I ever go is the mall food court. It is a rarity, but every couple of months I like to go to this Greek place for coffee and a gyro. Everyone else is in line at either Arby's or Subway, I guess just out of habit. I do not understand this. The Greek place is RIGHT THERE, with better food that's priced about the same, and what look to be actual nice friendly Greek people are happy to make it for you. They are very clean and do not wear uniforms.

So I get the good food but then there is again this problem of eating alone and not knowing where to look. All they give you to look at is this table tent. It has a smiling man on one side, and a smiling lady on the other side. So I always turn it to the lady side and stare at her while eating. I wonder what her name is?

I remember that when I was a kid eating cereal for breakfast I would always want to read the back of the cereal box. Most other kids did the same. If you got tired of having to read the back of the same cereal box too many mornings in a row, you would get desperate and start reading the nutritional information instead. I was very impressed with the iron content in "Total," it made me feel strong. Or else I would look at the front of the box real intently, really analyzing the artwork. I remember staring Toucan Sam in the eye for a long time until I almost started freaking out.

The cereal box was also a good means of defense that you could use to not have to watch your brothers and sisters eat cereal, too. Everybody ducked their head down real low while eating, reveling in that little sanctuary of cereal box privacy.

But the thing with the lady on the table tent is, after probably having spent the totality of an hour looking at her over the past year, I still have no idea what product or business she is meant to advertise. I think it's something like eyeglasses, but she doesn't wear those! Earrings maybe? It's something that goes on your head.

But since I can't say for certain I would like to go on the record stating that table tents do NOT work. They are too small and there is no shield factor. So I say start putting cereal boxes on the tables in diners and cafes instead. Everyone would read them. and a cereal box is pretty big, so there would be plenty of room for advertising space. This idea is a MONEY-MAKER.

Until then my other idea is to start carrying around a Wall Street Journal. I can pretend to read it. That kind of newspaper is small so you can easily read it with one hand while eating with the other hand. Or maybe I should go to the track and get a racing form instead. That would probably be more believable.