The evolution of HIPSTERS

So there sure are a lot of "hipsters" around these days. If you are not familiar with hipsters, or where they came from, this educational blog will explain it to you (I got a grant for this).

Hipsters are, like, these nerds with faux self-esteem. Years ago nerds used to be lonely. People would point and laugh at them. "You have no friends." They soon hypothesized that they could incorporate math and logic to disprove these taunts, so they started gathering in groups. "There, now no one can say that we have no friends. We outsmarted them, because we are smart." But it did not work. The taunting was just updated to "What a big bunch of geeks." Hmmm. Disappointing, but still fascinating, to the mind of the nerd.

They then realized that being solitary was not the issue. Darth Vader had no friends, but nobody made fun of HIM. So what was it? Since they were now gathered in groups, they could explore the common themes. Smart, into books, ill-fitting clothes, bad at sports...WAIT a minute...we are a STEREOTYPE!

So they began to change it up. Instead of two guys wearing glasses and suspenders, ONE guy wears glasses and grows a Fu-Man mustache, and the other wears suspenders with a BOWLER hat. If he really has poor eyesight, he just wears contacts. The guy that gave up his suspenders just lets his pants hang low.

Then they all started drinking a lot of coffee. Not like at Dunkin' Donuts where a bully or auto mechanic might see them, but at these little hole-in-the-wall independent cafes where they could safely gather in greater and greater numbers. Next thing you knew they were no longer ANTI-social, because they had CREATED a SOCIETY.

Interests in elitist subculture would now go unpenalized. Being smart would not only be permitted, but ENCOURAGED. and what PARTIES they would have, drinking ironic beers with only the boniest of women.

Everyone ELSE was an outsider now. Confidence swelled. Feeling empowered, they began to amuse each other by ridiculing the outside world. "Some people haven't even HEARD of Peter, Bjorn, and John!" "I quoted Garden State at the dinner table and my dad totally didn't get it."

Eventually the movement became too prominent not to be noticed. Modern nerds were all over, smoking cigarettes in front of book stores. Confrontation was inevitable. But what would be said? "Big bunch of geeks?" These were not geeks, these were super-smug smarty-pantses!

So I'm not sure where slang terms exactly come from, but I guess at some point someone complained, "You think you're so hip, DON'T you? You.....HIPSTER."

"Hipster" had previously been an insult hurled at creative types in the 1940s, so maybe it was an old person who brought it back. Old people are lame so they sometimes get sensitive and lash out when they're around regular people.

Some more things about hipsters are that they shop at Goodwill, use drugs, are mainly vegetarian but do not eat actual vegetables, don't exercise, are unmarried, know everything, and are jobless.