Occupy Wall Street

Hey! There's this new thing you can do where if you don't like rich people you can go OCCUPY a space near the rich people. It's like a combination of 1960s sit-in protests and NFL tailgating.

The main current protest is on Wall Street. At the park. I didn't know Wall Street had a park until now. Does it have a playground, petting zoo, anything good? a FOUNTAIN? People could throw pennies in there. For Wall Street to KEEP. Ha! Take THAT!

The protests are now WORLD-WIDE. Including at least 600 U.S. communities. Really. 600. Can you even name 600 towns within the United States?

"Occupy Hutchinson, Kansas! We are sick of all the bullshit! Meet in the Dairy Queen parking lot! No tents."

"Occupy Nome, Alaska. It's basically what we're doing already!"

Now the obvious question. Where are all of these people URINATING? Especially the girls. Must be delicious irony when they manage to locate a public restroom and the sign says "Occupied."

What do the protesters want? Regulation of CAPITALISM! Just in time for the holiday season! So it's like the opposite of Black Friday. Instead of conglomerating at Wal-mart at 3am to spend, spend, SPEND as soon as the doors open, they just gather at the park and demand to be given stuff. In fact a good P.R. stunt for Wal-mart would be to send a Santa Claus to Wall Street with a big sack of money and just start handing it out to the protesters. "We at Wal-mart support your cause and stand with the 99%!" The Santa Claus, and many of the protesters, would of course be trampled to death but there's no such thing as bad publicity. The Dairy Queen in Hutchinson, Kansas could maybe start giving away free Blizzards! Which again would of course result in deadly tramplings.

In fact once the weather turns cold, and our U.S. parks are so soiled and ruined that nobody can use them anymore, the protesters should move on and OCCUPY the MALL. Just hang out and be in the way to slow down commerce. It's legal, old people do it every morning. They call it "mall-walking." Buy one cup of coffee and you're set, nobody can kick you out. Stand in the hugely long line at the Disney Store and then just don't buy anything. Fill a whole shopping cart with blu-rays at Best Buy and then just choose not to buy them. THAT will make a POINT about capitalist GREED.

Plus, nothing better to do, eh?