Superbowl snacks!

Shrimp cocktail platter is the ultimate. Yet so many people are like "I don't like shrimp!" FOOLS. They should give it to you in school along with the chocolate milk so you get all acclimated.

You know what everybody DOES love? Dip. You take the healthiest thing in the world, like a piece of celery, and just dunk it in oniony fat. Mmmm. Then after a few dunks, you start getting all creative. Celery with dip on it, but then a carrot on TOP and what the hell, a cherry tomato stuck on there too. Don't even get me started on cheese/cracker/pepperoni combinations.

Why does salsa have to be in a bowl? It turns into red water in a hurry. and the chips, you get like ten full-size chips and then just shards. It should just all be thrown together like a casserole that you can eat with a spoon. Melt Velveeta on top.

At Christmas-time, some dogs get a bone with a ribbon tied around it. They should get a mini Superbowl buffet, too. a little tray of pepperoni, cheese, and a pair of freshly worn socks. Dogs ain't too hard to please.

Tiny little hot dogs that you eat with a toothpick are neat. In fact they should be more completely automatic, like potato chips. I vow to never again have a Thanksgiving dinner or wedding where there are not toothpick hot dogs on the table for EVERYONE.

GIANT PARTY SUB is so awesome to see on the table. Not 50 individual sandwiches, one big one. Why isn't more food that way? Imagine a giant cheese ball just sitting on the table. One huge Swedish meatball that an employed man carves like a turkey.