2010 Year in Review

2010, the year everyone found out what the future was like. Back in old times like the 50s and 80s, there was a lot of speculation. "What will life be like in 2010? Will there be martians and flying cars and female Presidents?" The answer to all of that was no. Instead, the future turned out to be Geico commercials and getting tweets from Shaq while at work.

Okay here is everything that happened in 2010.

The main thing was Facebook. Everyone is on Facebook now, including the people that were not on Facebook a year ago. There are no more holdouts except for people that are trying REALLY hard not to use Facebook on purpose and other people that do not count, such as the elderly. Even homeless people are on Facebook now, they access it from the library. You should read some of the status updates.

("Kevin A. Delasandro is attending The Park.")

and of course, the texting and twittering is really out of hand. Soon you will be able to text-order a pizza or tweet your homework right to the teacher. The President is expected to begin tweeting a new weekly public address, tentatively titled "Fireside Chats 2," sometime in 2011. Probably in the summer, when he gets back from vacation.

Speaking of that guy, he had a pretty bad year. Everybody got mad at him because of "Obamacare," and then he accidentally got PUNCHED in the FACE while playing basketball. That makes him the first President to be punched in the face while in office since 1979 (Carter).

Sports were more popular than ever in 2010, but were marred because people like Brett Favre and Tiger Woods and Ben Roethlisberger kept committing bad sex crimes. Conversely, it was the first year ever that Mike Tyson did not do anything wrong! Good for him.

In actuality the main troublemaker of 2010 turned out to be MEL GIBSON. He kept screaming and swearing at EVERYONE. It was awful, worse than even Betty White. Also he is now racist against all people.

England elected a new Prime Minister in 2010. No one is sure who he is, but like most English people, he is widely believed to be "too British." The bigger story was that Prince William is getting MARRIED. in 3-D! You can go watch it at a movie theater if you want, but please, no talking (you can tweet instead).

Coming in 2011... 3-D tweets?

North Korea was up to no good, as usual, so we might have another war soon. If so, I wonder if people will still try to pin it on Bush? He's been gone for quite awhile. You can't just keep blaming old Presidents for stuff. "You know why coffee is so expensive now? Reagan."

Oh the other big story was that everybody at the airport is allowed to feel you up and see you naked now. People are pretty outraged by this, especially really good-looking people and REALLY bad-looking people. The people in the middle don't mind as much.

Other things from 2010:

- The big earthquake

- Polish President plane crash

- The ICELANDIC VOLCANO

- Oil oil everywhere

- The Chilean miners and their mistresses

- That really long tennis match

- The other big earthquake

- Sea World employees getting killed by whales

- Arizona kicking out Mexicans

- Wikileaks

- That male flight attendant that jumped off the plane

- Bed bugs

- Olympic hockey

- Jay Leno being a jerk

- Christmas