Okay it's not exactly "news" because it didn't happen but I am breaking the story anyway. They seem to want to own everything that's well-liked by children.
TWINKIES: THE MOVIE!
It's coming. and it won't be just that Twinkie guy in the cowboy hat and neckerchief.
There will be many cartoon Twinkies, all with different personalities. a bossy Twinkie, a cowardly Twinkie, an accident-prone Twinkie, etc. There will even be a girl Twinkie. She will have to wear a shirt, for awkward reasons.
Disney hasn't been good at marketing food. There is the Mickey Mouse pancake, but that isn't really something you can "sell." It's too easy to make at home all by yourself. and wow, does anyone do that? Make a Mickey Mouse pancake and eat it without another person even SEEING it? That's one of the loneliest thoughts ever, I feel depressed now.
So anyway, yeah, Hostess is OUT of BUSINESS! It is the result of a bakery worker strike. Those people must feel like such JERKS now. I hope that whenever they go back to work, they only get to make the most unfun things. Like plain wheat bread and sugarless donuts. For the REST of their LIVES.
Also it occurred to me that this could all be a scam. Some genius at the Hostess company brainstorming. "How can we get people talking about Twinkies and Ho Hos again? I know, we'll TAKE THEM AWAY and then GIVE THEM BACK!" Just like Grover Cleveland and the Cleveland Browns. (HEY! I never noticed THAT before.)
I don't run a lot of meetings but next time I do I'm gonna open it by saying, "Alright, let's talk twinkie, people." I think that would be a good expression within the corporate entertainment world. I am really good at inventing expressions, but unfortunately there's no money in it. Expressions are the Mickey Mouse pancake of the writing business.
***MILLION DOLLAR IDEA ALERT***
a breakfast cereal comprised of miniature Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Cupcakes. Do it, Hostess. It could SAVE YOUR COMPANY! There's still time.
Who in hell wears neckerchiefs?
Click HERE.
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