Wow! Star Wars fanatics across the galaxy are celebrating the announcement that an all-new seventh chapter in the famous science fiction saga is scheduled for release in 2015. This is all thanks to Disney, who have purchased Lucasfilm and the Star Wars brand. What cosmic adventures await Han, Luke, Leia, and the rest of the gang on the big screen? No one knows, but it is time to begin SPECULATION.
I can picture the opening scene now. Since it's Disney, the movie will obviously include a lot more musical numbers. The camera pans down from space to find the spirit of Yoda seated on a log in his swamp home, plucking a ghost banjo. (Like Kermit from the Muppets, whom Disney have also acquired.) Then he delights us with a SONG.
Since it's Yoda, there may be some issues getting his lyrics to rhyme. "Why, so many songs about Jedi, there are" and so on. But if anyone is up to the challenge it is the great Star Wars song composer John Williams.
Some more things I think fans would like:
- Boba Fett is miraculously still alive and becomes one of the good guys, having seen the light
- Wicket the Ewok as an adult
- R2-D2 and C-3PO are BOTH able to fly, including to other planets
- At least one Admiral Ackbar "trap" joke
- a Sith "Hutt," possibly the son of Jabba, as the main bad guy doing cool CGI lightsaber flips and tricks
- Chewbacca gets married
- Special cameo appearances by E.T. and Mr. Spock
- NO Jar Jar at ALL
One thing I think we can count on for CERTAIN is that we will get to see Princess Leia learn the ways of the Force, including how to use a lightsaber. Well, there is a slight problem with that. I don't know how much you know about symbolism in the movies, but when two men duel with sabers or swords, it usually represents, ehrm, something else. Something that Leia doesn't have. So giving her one could affect the INTEGRITY of the FILM. What to do, Disney? Well, assuming you are reading this, here is the best solution I could come up with:
This is just a hastily drawn prototype of course, I'm sure you could make it much better. But think of the things she could do with it! Vanquish two foes at once, or when in singles combat, skillfully lop of a head and any other part of the anatomy she chooses simultaneously. Plus, you'd be doubling your fanbase! That means $$$. Walt would be so proud.
My apologies to any of my non-geek readers who viewed this blog and didn't understand what the hell I was talking about. Back to normal, next week. I promise.
and to the rest of you, "UTINI!" (That means both hello and goodbye in Star Wars language, they stole the idea from "Aloha.")
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