Saturday, October 26, 2013

I gotta ask, what's with this zombie popularity?


For a long time, zombies were known for being the lamest and easiest-to-kill of all monsters.  That is why they always attack in groups.  Much like Hitler, a lone zombie is useless.

You can just lop (yes, LOP!) a zombie's head off immediately and then move onto the next one.  There's no interpersonal relationship.  It's not like with vampires where they pretend that they want to be friends at first and then quickly turn on you.  Zombies are incapable of subterfuge.

The Wolfman does not need help when he wants to kill people.  He just does it himself all honorably.  There is no army of wolf-men.  So I guess what I'm saying is that zombies are really just a bunch of scared pussies.  That's why they always congregate in large numbers.  There's never been any kind of badass loner zombie that takes care of unpleasant business all by himself.






In spite of their shortcomings, zombies these days are more popular than EVER.  People love to dress up as them.  There's zombie conventions, zombie dances, zombie pub crawls, zombie bingo, zombie charity walks, zombie pool parties, and extra-EXTRA-slow zombie chess.

Why aren't mummies popular too?  Not emo enough?  Imagine a Twilight-type novel about a sad mummy.  "I DESERVE TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!"  The end would be a teenage girl slowly unwrapping a teenage mummy's bandages until he was NAKED!

Then the Wolfman would attack and maul the naked mummy to death.

(The teenage girl would be sad, but she would never forget him.)


Zombies are known for liking to eat human brains and flesh.  Do they like regular food too?

"Ooh, a warm pretzel!"

If a whole bunch of people dressed as zombies show up at Golden Corral, do they get kicked out?  If so, where CAN they go?  Can you wear a Halloween costume on the BUS?





 "Not THIS bus."


Click HERE.

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