So the government shut down, eh?

How come I'm still getting mail?  EVERY DAY, including junk mail.  That is NOT essential.  You could deliver on Mondays and Thursdays only and people would still get by.

The shutdown means that the Statue of Liberty is "closed."  F you, I can still SEE it, sucka!  I've never felt the need to "go in" and be all inside the Statue of Liberty's body.  Next time they renovate they should add internal organ exhibits.  "This is the Statue of Liberty's brain."

There could be a thing where you put a coin in a slot and get to see it go all the way down the Statue of Liberty's intestines.  Then the money goes to help pay government wages.  More ideas like THAT and we wouldn't HAVE all these problems, see?  SEE?

So get on that, Obama.

STOP SAYING "OBAMACARE."  Especially you, Barack.  That's OUR word for making fun of YOU.  Ronald Reagan never himself uttered the term "Reaganomics."  He only said "shmooply booply" and "God hates Russia" and other things like that.


Ever since the government shutdown, things have gotten TERRIBLE.  There have been so many layoffs at NASA.  Astronauts accomplished NOTHING this week.  The CIA hasn't been able to spy as much, and our parks are overrun with weeds.  Jesse the Body has been on TV yelling about all of this, but also mostly about buying his new book.

In his book he suggests that Oswald didn't really kill Kennedy.  Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong.  But here's a good question.  WHY DO PEOPLE STILL CARE ABOUT THAT?  It was a pretty long time ago!

Imagine Hulk Hogan going on TV to theorize that an apple didn't actually fall on Sir Isaac Newton's head.

Maybe it did, brother.  Maybe it didn't.

Some other things affected by the government shutdown include the Lincoln Memorial, the Smithsonian, the Grand Canyon, and the I.R.S.

Things NOT affected include mail and church.  You can continue to enjoy both of those freely.

Click HERE.