Everybody can't wait to eat breakfast at Taco Bell!

That waffle taco, man.  All you fatties and otha-type suckas want it.  Michelle Obama is gonna yell at you.

Taco Bell C.E.O. Jose "Stereotype" Guy figured, "Hey, we're missing out on 1/3 of the junk food market.  Let's change that!"

Since "fourthmeal" (TM Taco Bell) wasn't exactly effective in putting MONEY in the POCKETS of RICH JERKS, they have unveiled a new strategy.

Get people to eat Taco Bell in the morning.

It ain't THAT bad of an idea.  I mean, would YOU do it?

Yes, you.

Almost everybody in the world likes food.  But you usually only eat certain foods at certain times.  If you try eating spaghetti for breakfast, they could put you in a mental home (***but only if they FIND OUT.)  If you eat a wedding cake at your work desk, you will be fired.


Where WON'T people eat garbage or get married very very early in the day?  The answer?

Church.

Nobody attends morning church on a weekday.  Reason why?  Ain't no food.

CHANGE that.  Offer food.  and I don't mean free food, I mean the kind you can buy.  Like at the county fair except this would be way different.

Everybody is hungry after church, because of all the guilt and starvation involved.  You can't really eat AT church because it would severely interrupt the proceedings, but imagine walking out and there's a food truck parked RIGHT THERE.  You would eat.  Admit it, fatball. (TM Taco Bell)

Pancakes and spaghetti available as soon as you walk out.  Yum it up, churchy.


I have heard that the New Hip Pope does not make use of his available Popemobile.  He is so hip that he chooses to cruise around in a regular vehicle instead.  That is awesome.

USE that thing, though!  There are taxpayer dollars at stake.  Sell ice cream out of the trunk of the Popemobile after church.  Everybody would buy some, especially if there was a Pope-approved topping bar.

a fake Pope could sit behind the wheel and pretend to be the real Pope, like happens with Santa Claus and Ronald McDonald and also the President sometimes.

(Disclaimer: Not actually any of them.)


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