Pelton and Crane Dental Equipment (Part 2 of 2)

Here it is!

Hot off the press, my brand new play documenting the fabricated history of the Pelton and Crane company.  Enjoy!


***PELTON AND CRANE: A PLAY IN ONE ACT***

(Written By Captain Dan)


Crane: Good morning, Pelton.

Pelton: Good morning, Crane.

Crane: I see you have some documentation there.

Pelton: Well yes.  I have completed my exit interviews with the test subjects, and unfortunately the news is not good.

Crane: What?  What do you mean, "not good."

Pelton: Their reviews of your new C-1000V28 "gum scraper" were rather unfavorable.

Crane: That's impossible.  It works perfectly!  Completely sanitary, and absolutely flawless in design.

Pelton: They say it "hurts."

Crane: It's SUPPOSED to hurt.  That's how you know it's WORKING.

Pelton: Crane, maybe it's time you had a vacation.  Took some time to get your head together.

Crane: Where is this coming from?  I can't take a vacation, I'm on the verge of completing the C-1000V909!  The vibrating toothpick!

Pelton: Yes, I've been meaning to question you about that.  Where in the world is the battery supposed to go?

Crane: That's the whole problem!  NOW do you see why I can't take a break?

Pelton: Crane, there's more.  I've been in the basement.

Crane: What on earth were you doing down there?

Pelton: I was just going to read some comic books.  But I saw, Crane.  I saw that thing...that you're building.

Crane: You had no business looking under my sheet.

Pelton: I saw everything, Crane.  The blueprints, the sketches, the...gruesome calculations.

Crane: Those are PRELIMINARY.


Pelton averts his gaze.  He sighs, wistfully.


Crane: Look Pelton, I just need a little more time.  a little more time to calibrate the asphyxiator.

Pelton: WHY would you even CONCEPTUALIZE such an abomination?

Crane: It's to SILENCE the SCREAMS.

Pelton: Crane, old friend, we were but young boys when we first embarked on this adventure together.  Young, naive boys.

Crane: That we were, Pelton.  That we were.

Pelton: Remember these?


From the pocket of his labcoat, Pelton produces a simple set of plastic teeth.

Crane stares at them, transfixed for a moment, and ultimately hangs his head.


Crane: Yes, Pelton.  I remember.

Pelton: The years have been hard on both of us.  I dare suggest we may have forgotten just what dental equipment is supposed to be all about.

Crane: I'd say you're right, Pelton.  You're very right.


Crane looks up at Pelton, and neither can help but crack a smile.


Pelton and Crane: (in unison) $$$THA MONAAAYYYYY!!!$$$


Then "Jungle Boogie" starts playing and Pelton and Crane dance while confetti falls.


Crane: Merry Christmas, Pelton!

Pelton: Merry Christmas, Crane!

(Oh, this whole play takes place on Christmas Eve, btw.)


***THE END***


THERE!  Okay so if any school or production company is interested in buying my play, please get back at me.  Keep in mind that there's only two characters in it so it would be easy to schedule rehearsals.


Click HERE.