My script for Expendables 3

Welp, thanks to a hefty independent film grant I have now been able to begin composing a script for "Expendables 3."

In case you didn't know, "The Expendables" is a new movie franchise that has a lot of big tough guy action stars in it.  The cast includes Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, CHUCK NORRIS, and Jean-Claude Van Damme.  "Expendables 2" was released this weekend.  It was not good.

I think the REASON it was not good was because there were not ENOUGH tough guy celebrities in it.  So I have come up with what I feel is a good script for Expendables 3 that would be way better.


The movie begins with Stallone, Arnold, Bruce Willis, and CHUCK NORRIS hanging out in their bunker, acting tough.  They are then visited by a mini hologram of Barack Obama, who will give them their mission.

Here's the dialogue...

Stallone: Yo, Mister President, what's this mission all about?  Yo.

Arnold: Yes Mistah President please tell us of the mission.

Obama: Thank you for agreeing to do this mission.  Together we will ALL conquer evil.

CHUCK NORRIS: As the internet knows, I can do ANYTHING.

(That's a part that people are supposed to laugh at.)

Bruce Willis: Yippee Ki Yay Mmmmmmmmmmmmmister President.

(Same.)

Obama: Okay in order to complete this mission I have commissioned some special recruits.

William Shatner (entering): You didn't think I'd miss THIS party, did you?

Arnold: Thank you William Shatnah for joining the mission.

Samuel L. Jackson (entering): Well if this isn't a F***ING G*** bunch of S*** C***LORDS.

Arnold: Please watch your language Samuel L. Jackson but thank you for joining the mission.

Russell Crowe: (entering, with Gladiator sword drawn) Let's just make a few things CLEAR, alright?

Arnold: There is no time to make things cleeah, we have to do our mission.

Stallone: Hey yo, Mr. President, we ain't exactly as young as we USED to be, yo.

Obama: That is why I have commissioned you some extra help.

Jim Belushi (entering): Can we get this party STARTED or WHAT?

Hulk Hogan (entering): These guys are going DOWN, brother.

Mr. T (entering): I ain't gettin' on no plane.

Arnold: Mistah T you don't have to get on the plane, you can ride with me in the tank.

Stallone: Hey yo, anybody else want in on this party?

Chewbacca (entering): RUUUUUrhrGUGUGHRhghghghrRURURUghGHrrrrrr

Arnold: Thank you Chewbahcah for joining the mission.

Mel Gibson: (entering) I'm with you too.

Bruce Willis: No way you are RACIST.

Jim Belushi: Let's GET him!

Then everybody takes out their guns and shoots Mel Gibson until he is dead and you get to see him on the floor all dead and bloody.  (It is just fake Hollywood blood of course.)

Arnold: Okay now that Mel Gibson is dead we can do the mission.

Obama: What's clear about this mission is that it's time for change.  Goodbye and God bless.

The Obama hologram then disappears.

Chewbacca:  RUUUUUrhrGUGUGHRhghghghrRURURUghGHrrrrrr

Arnold: Goodbye Ohbahmah.

Samuel L. Jackson: D***********


That's all I wrote so far but if any movie studio is interested in filming this please e-mail me about how much you're willing to pay and then I will write the rest of it.  I can't write on most weekends though because of community service.

Click HERE.