Summertime = ICE CREAM time: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted August 8, 2007)

If there's one thing people love it's ice cream and if there's one thing people like to eat food out of it's a big dirty truck.  How does any ice cream truck pass a health inspection?  Maybe if the driver sees the health inspector coming he drives away.  The health inspector cannot catch him because he has that sign that says "SLOW/CHILDREN."  Restaurants do not have that (and are immobile except for some gimmick places).

Ice cream trucks are the most reliable source of ice cream besides stores, ice cream parlors, gas stations, carnivals, McDonalds, and a few others.  Usually if you want ice cream you can just go buy it, but some people don't remember that they want it every time.  That's what the ice cream man is for, he fills in the gaps.  It's kind of a unique sales strategy.  Bring a popular product right to the customers instead of waiting for them to come to you.  No one else uses that strategy except for horrible people offering crap that nobody wants.  People will call your house to try to sell you a burglar alarm.  Like you wouldn't remember if you needed that.  "Oh yeah, burglars.  I am getting sick of those, now that you mention it."

The most unpopular product that is sold door-to-door is probably religion.  If you try to do that you are going to make a LOT of people mad and probably fail horribly!  That's why most of the religions that do that are big on forgiveness.  It's like a loophole with their boss.  "You didn't get ANYONE to sign up?  That is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO but that is okay."

No one ever calls or comes to your house to sell you something you might want.  Imagine if a guy came to your door with a pizza and was like, "Hey, you want some pizza?  I noticed it was getting close to dinner time."  You would probably have a pretty decent rate of success doing that, just like the ice cream man.  Don't do it out of a truck, though, there is already too much traffic.

I am guessing that NO ONE in the world still sells encyclopedias door-to-door, what with this so-called "world wide web" and all.  That had to be a complete shit gig, man.

1) Encyclopedias are HEAVY 
2) People bending up the pages, they probably only give you one sample set
3) Nobody wants encyclopedias

Did you have to pass a test like a fireman to get that job?  Firemen need to be hella strong in case there is a fat guy to be carried.  I hope there was a field test where the encyclopedia salesman had to outrun a dog while carrying the big suitcase of books.  Or strap it to his back and swim.


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